i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
