VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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