i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
another moral hangover. fuck.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
