I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
