I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
