Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
