Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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