i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I smell like Dick and happiness
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
