Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
