is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
