sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
