Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
