You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
