but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
