So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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