about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
