btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
