im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A bitchslap is in order.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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