you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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