Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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