All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
