i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
