3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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