if i can run in heels then i can drive
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
