on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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