i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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