Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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