if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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