Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
