I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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