You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
3 2 1 whiskey
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
