turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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