dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm like, not good at living.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
