it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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