You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
