She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
