Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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