I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
