I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
