you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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