I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
