Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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