We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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