I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
