I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
