"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
