Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
