You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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