Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
