His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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